& here's a little video of the announcement we sent our families a few weeks ago.
It's been a very hard secret to keep & so far being pregnant has been quite the journey. I went from finding out we were pregnant, being estatic to immediately thinking I had miscarried and coming to terms with it.. to finding out we still had a baby but it was extremely fragile..to no, you are the fragile one & you're baby is perfect.
I kept a log of my thoughts & the events along the way:
January 5th: I took the big test! I had been.. a little emotional for a few days.. crying for no reason, screaming Kevin's head off.. apparently my hormones were out of control and I was extremely tired so Kevin nicely suggested maybe we should try to take a test? I ran to the store and came home, Kevin was on his way home so I took two pregnancy tests. Both showed pregnant instantly! I was so happy that right when Kevin came home I ran out in the garage with the test to show him. He started laughing because we had barely been trying to have a baby and already were immediately pregnant (we're pros I guess!) and I felt a big relief because I didn't want the baby process to be super stressful and I always wondered if we would have a hard time trying, also now I had an excuse for my craziness.
January 24th: I was at work and had felt awful all morning, I thought maybe I was just sick or hungry. I then started bleeding lightly.. & of course freaked out. I read online that bleeding some was normal..but I started bleeding pretty heavily & even bled through a pair of pants. I was exhausted and colorless. We almost went to the ER but read that there was really nothing they could do for us except manage the pain..since I was having no pain I just went to sleep hoping the bleeding would stop soon. The next day I was supposed to work at 6 am but was so sick from bleeding that I couldn't go in. At this point I was 99% sure I had miscarried from all of the bleeding.
January 26th: So by Monday morning we had discussed the miscarriage and basically came to terms that we had lost our baby and might have to go have it removed since it hasn't passed. There were no more tears that I could cry at this point, I was so tired and weak. My doctor sent us to the hospital to get an ultrasound so they could determine the next step. In the ultrasound the tech was doing her thing, didn't really tell us anything the whole ultrasound and we couldn't see anything that was going on..then she suddenly was like "Umm I need to go call your dr. i'll be right back." We were kind of freaking out.. & she came back with a cordless phone & said "Your dr is on the phone"
The diagnosis: Subcorionic Hemorrhage -the placenta somehow detaches slightly from the uterine wall. There is no cure for it. It "might" grow back just fine, basically it just can't tear more or we're in trouble. So "take it easy" no lifting, no exercising, no sex. Ohhh great.
February: Weeks of "taking it easy" which is HARD can I just tell you! I quit my job & watched a lot of tv, luckily I have endless craft supplies so I worked on a bunch of half finished projects but still I am a BUSY body I am always working on 50 projects & endless events to go to. It was hard to say no to people and just take a nap instead..which I was constantly tired (maybe it was first trimester..but I totally feel like it was because of the hemorrhage) if I did too much that day I would definetely feel it the next day, luckily Kevin is a machine and took care of the house, made dinner (ha picked up a lot of dinners) and took care of ME amazingly.
February 18th: FINALLY our doctors appointment came! It felt like eternity..and basically we didn't tell anybody for fear we would get to the doctor and they would say our baby was no longer. So hard to keep it a secret, especially when you are sitting at home all day & you need support from others..but we made it! We got to the ultrasound and this time there was a giant tv over us so we could watch and the tech immediately said "There's your baby & here is their heartbeat!" Kevin & I just looked at each other and smiled! We still had a baby, in fact a very healthy baby despite everything that was happening! So the hemorrage isn't affecting the baby, it's just making my life miserable & that's fine with me. At this point we are 10.5 weeks & most days I feel great. I might need a nap here and there but I feel better, I can get up and move around..but i'm still trying to "take it easy..my attitude instantly lifted when I realized my baby was doing fine.
Now at 13 weeks it's such a relief now that people know, not only because I'm showing & it's getting hard to hide, but mostly because of all of the love and support we've felt from telling everyone. It's been hard to keep the secret and go through this all by ourselves, I definitely could never do any of this without Kevin's support & love though he is such an amazing husband.
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